banner
The NOURISHED SOUL
27Feb2012

Madonna-Whore Complex

This article is dedicated to all the men out there who are growing in consciousness and love.

Firstly, let me start by saying that the Madonna I am referring to is not the pop sensation with freakishly muscular arms. We’re talking about the archetype of the Virgin Mary; the original Madonna. Secondly, we’re not talking about “whores” in the stereotypical sense. We’re referring to a healthy mindset about the way you look at a woman and her sexuality. Let me explain…

When we venture into that strange and scary world, known as The Relationship, men enter into it with a great passion and sexual fury. We all do. The newness and rapture of love captures us all in its web and we just can’t get enough from each other. Men, in particular, tend to put the sexual aspect of the relationship first. This is simply built into the DNA. As original hunters and gatherers, and the sex responsible for the ‘clan’, men had to ensure certain probabilities. He needed to find a woman who could bear his children and that meant, having a lot of sex with her. In order to ‘seal the deal’ that meant he had to conquer her. And we’re not too dissimilar today. We just do it (hopefully) without wooden clubs and inaudible grunts.

We see this constantly in the animal kingdom. Males fighting furiously for the awaiting female. This is just the stuff of the sexes. The female sits around while the male does insane things, like fight other males; shows his colourful side; generally makes a spectacle of himself, in order to win her over. Modern men still do this and I suspect this will not change, and nor should it!

During the pursuit, a man will do everything in his power to claim the woman. Again, this is a biological imperative. It’s not sexist. It has nothing to do with sexism. He wants to claim his woman as his own and one of the ways he does this is to literally get inside her. I’ll note here (although this is for another article) that women actually want to be claimed. It is also in our DNA to be “taken” and “conquered.”

This pursuit may go on for a very long time. It depends on the dynamic of the relationship. During this phase of the relationship, the man sees his woman through these incredibly passionate eyes. He sexualizes her and reveres her femininity and wants to claim that beauty again and again and again.

In walks…dah, dah, dahhhh….LOVE.

Love, for a man, (often) changes everything. All of a sudden, this woman who he’s been claiming and sexualizing and penetrating becomes this figure of godliness. Don’t laugh. The minute we truly…and I mean TRULY…open up and love someone, they become godly to us.

At this point, the man will often take that woman that he couldn’t get enough of sexually, and put her up on a pedestal. He begins to revere her though love and, VOILA! She goes from being The Whore, to being The Madonna. Now, he can’t conceive of sexualizing her. He can’t conceive of this because there’s been a paradigm shift. He’s gone from hunting her to getting her. Somewhere along the way, he’s fallen in love with her.

Symbolically, she begins to epitomize this godly, almost saviour-like being in his world. The more the love, the more the worship. The more the confusion. He’s now looking at his woman as saintly. Motherly, even. He now finds it difficult to sexualize the woman he sees as pious. And if she bears his children, watch out! She becomes even more saintly.

Loving domesticity can leave men emotionally (and sometimes physically) impotent. But it doesn’t need to be this way. Very evolved men both love and worship their woman AND want to sexualize her. And this is really living in the best of both worlds, isn’t it? After all, sex with someone who you love deeply is incredible. For some, it becomes a religion in and of itself.

So why do so many men have this conflict. Why can’t they merge the two? There’s something to be said for the pursuit of happiness, and the “get” of happiness. Don’t we all love the hunt? The search? The seeking? I know for me, the best part of my spiritual path has been the seeking; asking a million questions, getting part answers and then continuing to ask more.

Madonna-Whore Complex is so prevalent that we often see men seeking solace in a different or younger woman. And the plain old truth of the matter is, he wants both in the same woman. He wants a woman he can worship and love and cherish. And he also wants to have sex with her as often as he can. We can be loving and sweet and tender and gentle with each other. We can do this while we pass the butter at the dinner table. But we all long for that primal, intense connection with each other. Without it, the relationship becomes vanilla.

Perhaps when we submerge ourselves in committed relationships and come to love someone deeply, we feel that we then know everything about that person. And so many people in relationships stop asking questions. They presume to know about the other. They think to themselves, “Oh ya, I’ve got her figured out. After all, I’ve known her for 15 or 20 or 30 years.” But how can that be? The only constant we have in this life is change. We’re all changing constantly. So for someone to believe they have the “goods” on someone is errant. No one can ever have the goods on anyone. It’s not possible. Perhaps if we embraced this a little more, we could both love and worship the other AND want to roll around with them between the sheets regularly. They mystery would remain.

Every once in a while, I’ll be watching my husband and he’ll do or say something in a way that I’ve never observed in him before. I think to myself, “Oh, I don’t know the half of you!” And I love this. I love that he has aspects that I’ll never figure out.

Perhaps Jesus had it right. He made the so-called “whore” in the story of the bible his woman. He loved her and revered her and, according to some uncovered gospels, married her. Perhaps the “whore” in that story was symbolic. Perhaps it was showing us that these primal archetypes of Madonna and Whore were actually meant to played out within the same woman.

And what role do women play in this age-old scenario? Stay tuned….

No Comments »

Leave a Reply





Want to start living your BEST life now? Get you FREE guide to optimum mind-body nourishment, plus tips for a nourished & thriving life